


Conditioned

by naasad



Category: Les Misérables - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Combeferre was not always the mature one, Conditioning, Dubious Ethics, Dubious Science, M/M, Social Experiments, Teenagers, Uninformed Consent, do not try this at home
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-18
Updated: 2018-11-18
Packaged: 2019-08-25 06:51:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,371
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16656283
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/naasad/pseuds/naasad
Summary: Combeferre wants to try something.





	Conditioned

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: Teenagers being stupid. The boys are in the French equivalent of Tenth Grade in the US, Ninth Year in the UK. Please do not try this on your friends. I am not responsible for what happens if you do.
> 
> (Arthur Aron's 36 Questions to Fall in Love was a real experiment in 1997! People have tried to recreate it casually, one person tried it on a tinder date, but one of the criteria for it to work is both parties have to be willing to ask and answer the questions - the intimacy has to be an equal exchange. I'd link the NY Times article, but AO3's not letting me do links for some reason today.)

**_10 Septembre 2012; Paris, France_ **

**_36 Questions [Modified]_ **   
_**Outline of Experiment:** There will be three sessions, each spaced a week apart. In each session, the two subjects will be asked twelve of Arthur Aron's thirty-six questions to fall in love. Once these questions are answered, the subjects will make silent eye contact for two minutes and embrace for ten. The subjects will not be aware of the desired outcome._

**_Pavlovian Response_ **   
_**Outline of Experiment:** For the school year previous to the modified 36 Questions experiment, one of the two subjects will be classically conditioned to associate the sound of knocking with arguing with the other subject. Before the experiment and after each of the three sessions, this will be implemented to create a reaction in the conditioned subject, by which the level of intimacy will be gauged. This experiment will be completely blind._

"Hey, Enjolras," Combeferre called from across his bedroom. "Can you help me with an experiment? I'll have another person, and I'll just be having you two ask each other questions and hug."

"Sure," Enjolras said, not looking up from his homework. "Who's the other person?"

Combeferre shrugged. "Don't know yet, but one of Les Amis."

"Alright. Any of them will be fine."

Combeferre grinned and pulled out his phone to text Grantaire. _Wanna help with an experiment? Enjolras will be there._

The reply didn't come until the next day, no doubt due to plenty of hemming and hawing over what to say. _Sure, just don't make us do anything weird._

**_11 Septembre 2012; Paris, France_ **

_Both subjects have given consent to be experimented on._

* * *

 

**_31 Mai 2013; Paris, France_ **

_The first of the three sessions will begin next week. The conditioning will be tested tonight._

Enjolras was in his element, giving a rousing speech that could be heard in every corner of their favorite little café.

Combeferre reached out and knocked twice on the table, just as he had every time Grantaire and Enjolras argued in previous meetings.

Enjolras whirled around, snarling. "What now, Grantaire?"

Grantaire blinked in shock. "I didn't say anything."

Joly glared at Enjolras from his table.

**_31 Mai 2013; Paris, France_ **

_The conditioning was successful._

* * *

 

**_4 Juin 2013; Paris, France_ **

_Session One: The subjects will ask and answer the following questions -_  
_1\. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?_  
_2\. Would you like to be famous? In what way?_  
_3\. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?_  
_4\. What would constitute a "perfect" day for you?_  
_5\. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?_  
_6\. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?_  
_7\. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?_  
_8\. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common._  
_9\. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?_  
_10\. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?_  
_11\. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible._  
_12\. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?_  
_Afterwards, they will make silent eye contact for two minutes and embrace for ten._

Combeferre rubbed his hands together gleefully as he set up his experiment. It was relatively simple. Enjolras and Grantaire would be seated across the dining room table from each other and he would observe from the breakfast bar. Both his parents were out of the house and had agreed to stay out until he texted them that the experiment was over. He didn't want to compromise his results, after all.

The doorbell rang and he hurled himself through the hallway to answer it, finding Enjolras and Grantaire standing there together.

Enjolras raised an eyebrow. "Really?" he asked.

Combeferre shrugged. "You said any of Les Amis was fine, and I have it in writing."

Grantaire frowned suspiciously.

"Come on." Combeferre led them to the dining room and handed them cards printed with the first set of questions. "Okay, so, rules! You have to both ask, but I don't care if you alternate every one or two or six. You both have to answer, and you have to answer honestly. You cannot skip. You have to do them in order. I'll be over there taking notes. Your actual answers won't be recorded." He hopped up on a stool. "When you're ready, go."

Grantaire took a deep breath. "Okay, so, Enjolras.... Given the choice of anyone in the world, who would you want as a dinner guest?"

**_4 Juin 2013; Paris, France_ **

_Session One was a success! Both subjects were resistant to embracing at first but left the lab environment much more companionable than when they arrived._

* * *

 

**_7 Juin 2013; Paris, France_ **

_The level of intimacy will now be gauged by the conditioned subject's reaction to a perceived argument._

Enjolras' head snapped up from where he was bowed over his papers. "Yes, Grantaire?"

Grantaire raised an eyebrow. "Are you hearing things, Apollo? Might want to get that checked out."

Enjolras snorted and turned back to his work with no further comment.

Combeferre grinned and jotted down his results.

Joly eyed him suspiciously.

**_7 Juin 2013; Paris, France_ **

_The conditioned subject reacted much less vehemently than at the initial test last week. The level of intimacy can safely be said to have increased._

* * *

 

**_11 Juin 2013; Paris, France_ **

_Session Two: The subjects will ask and answer the following questions -_  
_13\. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?_  
_14\. Is there something that you've dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven't you done it?_  
_15\. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?_  
_16\. What do you value most in a friendship?_  
_17\. What is your most treasured memory?_  
_18\. What is your most terrible memory?_  
_19\. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?_  
_20\. What does friendship mean to you?_  
_21\. What roles do love and affection play in your life?_  
_22\. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items._  
_23\. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people's?_  
_24\. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?_  
_Afterwards, they will make silent eye contact for two minutes and embrace for ten._

"Hey, guys," Combeferre said as he let them in. "Same set up as last time, but I did set out some water for you so you don't get that hoarse this time. Do you want me to go over the rules again?"

Enjolras and Grantaire shared a look.

"Nah," Grantaire said. "We remember."

**_11 Juin 2013; Paris, France_ **

_Session Two was a success! Subjects had to be reminded to let go after ten minutes of embracing._

* * *

 

**_14 Juin 2013; Paris, France_ **

_The level of intimacy will now be gauged by the conditioned subject's reaction to a perceived argument._

"And that's why I encourage anyone who can to donate their second-hand clothing to the women's shelter."

Bahorel raised a hand. "Um, no offence, E, but we're all dudes?"

Jehan whirled around in their seat. "Excuse me?"

As Bahorel continued to shove his foot in his mouth apologizing, Combeferre knocked twice on the table.

Enjolras flinched and looked up, straight at Grantaire, challenging him.

It took R a while to notice, but eventually he looked up. "I didn't say anything!" he yelped, spreading his hands in a gesture of peace. "I actually think this one is a great idea."

"Oh." Enjolras' face shuttered.

Grantaire frowned. "I'm really starting to worry about you, E."

Combeferre made a note to break pattern next time.

Joly scowled at him.

**_14 Juin 2013; Paris, France_ **

_The conditioned subject reacted with displeasure but did not try to argue back. Intimacy levels can safely be said to have increased._

* * *

 

**_18 Juin 2013; Paris, France_ **

_Session Three (Final Session): The subjects will ask and answer the following questions -_  
_25\. Make three true "we" statements each. For instance, "We are both in this room feeling _______."_  
_26\. Complete this sentence: "I wish I had someone with whom I could share _______."_  
_27\. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know._  
_28\. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you've just met._  
_29\. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life._  
_30\. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?_  
_31\. Tell your partner something that you like about them already._  
_32\. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?_  
_33\. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven't you told them yet?_  
_34\. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?_  
_35\. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?_  
_36\. Share a personal problem and ask your partner's advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen._  
_Afterwards, they will make silent eye contact for two minutes and embrace for ten._

As Enjolras answered Question Thirty-Three, Grantaire reached over and held his hand. "Is this okay?" he murmured, rubbing his thumb over his knuckles.

Enjolras nodded and sniffed, rubbing his nose. "Your turn," he said, smiling sadly.

**_18 Juin 2013; Paris, France_ **

_Session Three was a success! The subjects cannot yet be told to have "fallen in love" but intimacy levels have never been able to be seen any higher. The final stage of this dual experiment will be carried out in six days._

* * *

 

_**24 Juin 2013; Paris, France** _

_The final level of intimacy will now be gauged by the conditioned subject's reaction to a perceived argument. This is the last step in the experiment._

"It takes a lot of work to run a soup kitchen or shelter. The least we can do is make sure organizers have access to education to do so in an effective manner." Enjolras sat down with a sense of finality.

"Okay," Courfeyrac said slowly, "but we're still in lycée, how in the world are we going to convince university boards to offer free classes?"

Enjolras opened his mouth to respond.

Combeferre rapped twice on the table.

Enjolras' gaze darted to Grantaire, and he bit his lip to keep it from wobbling too noticeably.

"Are you okay?" Courfeyrac asked. "I - Shit, E, I didn't mean we should give up."

"Hey," Grantaire said softly. He stood and walked over to Enjolras, putting a hand on his arm. "What's wrong, Jojo?"

Enjolras shook and wrapped his arms around Grantaire, stifling a sob in his shoulder.

"Shh...." Grantaire held him tight, cupping the back of his neck. "It's okay. Whatever it is, it's okay."

Combeferre frowned and scribbled the results in his notebook. It's not like he wanted to hurt his friend.

"Combeferre," Joly growled. "What are you doing?"

Combeferre looked up and squirmed under Joly's Eyebrows of Doom. "I'm observing them for an experiment."

Grantaire nodded. "He's been having us ask each other these questions for the last couple weeks."

Jehan shot up in their chair, gleefully clapping their hands together. "The thirty-six questions to fall in love?!"

"The **_what_**." Grantaire turned the full force of his glare on Combeferre, then shook his head. "That doesn't matter. It doesn't explain why Enjolras is so upset right now."

"Well...." Combeferre chewed his lip. "I needed secondary confirmation of increased intimacy levels, so I... may have spent the school year classically conditioning Enjolras to perceive the two of you are arguing at the sound of knocking. And then I've been recording his reactions. It's very interesting, the progression -"

Joly whacked him upside the head with a textbook.

"Ow!"

Grantaire cupped Enjolras' jaw. "Hey," he murmured, smiling. "You're upset because you think we're fighting?"

"I don't know." Enjolras sniffed and shook his head, wiping his face with his sleeve. "Not anymore." He glared at Combeferre. "Right now, I'm pissed at my best friend for using me as a replacement for Pavlov's dog."

Combeferre quickly flipped to the first page of his notebook. "I have your consent in writing, right here!"

"Guys!" Jehan squealed. "That doesn't matter! Did it work? Are you in love? What does the data say?"

Combeferre pushed his glasses up his nose. "Well, there's not much the data can say without measuring hormone levels, but there's a definite increase in intimacy - Stop hitting me, Joly!"

"Yes, it fucking worked!" Grantaire snapped. "Would you all be quiet?"

"It did?" Enjolras asked.

Grantaire looked back down at him and stammered, trying to backtrack. "I - I mean, sure. If - if you want it to."

Enjolras frowned.

"I mean, it probably helped that I've been a little in love with you since we met."

Enjolras sighed and very deliberately cupped his face in his hands. After a moment, he went up on his tiptoes and kissed him deeply.

Bahorel's mouth dropped open.

Courfeyrac and Jehan cheered.

Combeferre quickly wrote down his results.

"I'm telling your parents," Joly said.

Combeferre shrugged. "Snitches get stitches."

**_24 Juin 2013; Paris, France_ **

_~~The conditioned subject showed great distress~~ \- The experiment was an unmitigated success! The subjects are now boyfriends. However, this researcher has now been grounded until the start of the next school year and prohibited from performing any further experiments on human beings._

**Author's Note:**

> I have gotten like no reviews lately, so please say something, even if you hated it. (Just be nice, please.) And, hey! You can always come yak at me on Tumblr @grumpymurdernerd too!


End file.
